So. What’s happened in my life since December 18?
December 22: Thursday: Recovering from Stocktake. Had a colleague over from Australia for 3 days. I really really dislike stocktake. DH and I got taken to dinner at a fantastic steak restaurant on Monday night by said colleague. Not coping at all well with Stocktake, Dad, and Christmas looming. DH commented yesterday that I was looking very close to a panic attack - too much coming down on me all at once - he knows the signs.
As far as I’m concerned, Christmas is pretty much cancelled. The kids had put the tree up, but it wasn’t decorated, and no decorations inside; no presents; will shop Saturday evening and get a couple of chickens to roast, some good ham, a pavlova and strawberries. Sunday we'll get mum from the rest home, and have a nice lunch. That's about it. It's all just too hard. I feel like I need a haircut - my fringe is going in my eyes.
Today (so far) DH left for work 0530; repeatedly woken by wooing dog (Dads) from then on (no, you can’t have any more blasted painkillers); gave up and got up 0900; fed dogs n cats; drove son to work; made breakfast for 3; catch up with emails, fb and pf. Next: Shower, bath dogs n father; DO SOME PAINTING! take father to orthopaedic surgeon n get him xrayed. Come home and collapse.
Last night I cut out a stamp using foam coreboard – crash and burn.
The pink sculpy stuff works so much better.
Dec 23: Friday: Very busy day at work - didn't finish till 4.30. Got to spend 10 minutes lying on the floor at work while the big colour copier was printing - nice! Had to get DH to go home and tend Dad - son's off to work, and Dad has a physio appt, and I'm not leaving DD to look after him by herself.
Very low 'give a shit' factor today.
Got some painting done last night, and we (well, kids and I) actually decorated tree and lounge - pretty pretty shiny shiny.
Great evening at a friend's birthday - they had a chocolate fountain - creamy blue cheese, banana and chocolate - nom nom nom. And the lads had a whisky tasting session!
Dec 24: Saturday: Got up at 0530 this morning to go to the flea market - picked up a couple of WASGIG puzzles for DD, and some bits and pieces for me. Home to bed for a couple of hours. Then a visit to my favourite toy store - Mitre 10 Mega Hardware - aarrrroooo!
D got some paintbrushes, a pottle of test paint and some vinyl tiles, while I got brushes n cheap paint. Also got a couple of glo-stick torches for the kids. Then shopping - argh, only moderately bad. I've since had a nap, and now there's a big roast pork on for dinner - yummy!
I'm doing a acrylic painting class on-line, that uses a lot of Paynes Gray Golden Fluid Acrylic - at $12 for a 1fl oz bottle - I got some Sullivans All Purpose Acrylic "Grey Blue" which isn't nearly as dark, but is only $4 for 2 fl oz.
This is the start of my first exercise, blending colours:
Dec 25: Aargh - I can't eat another thing! Roast chicken with salad, potato salad, ham, pavlova, cream, strawberries and orange cake for lunch. Sprung my mum from the rest home for the day, and my son's friend turned up, so 6 for lunch.
Darn - ham had 'ingredient list'. Serious stomach cramps!
2040 now, ready to settle down and watch some telly - maybe Lie to Me or Criminal Minds - my brain is too tired to care.
It's been a lovely day, which we've taken slowly. Kids have money, and want to go to the Boxing Day sales tomorrow. Me, I'd rather stay at home and paint.
Dec 26: Spent most of Monday tidying my studio - before and after:
Dec 27: Lovely Wednesday morning here. Wind's a bit gusty, but ok.
Had a 'bitsy' day. Read a bit of both my textbooks; went to the mall and did a bit of shopping knickers n socks - boring!); calligraphy pen to practice writing Hebrew; pies for lunch; played with my new DBK stencil plastic, and cut out some letter/number stencils - great stuff; did a bit of stamping with my newly made stamps - pics to follow.
###
Washed dogs, showered Dad, made lunch. Now waiting for Dad to say he’s ready to go to the Library – only 1 book left! Caught up on FB and Painting Friends. Oh – look, we’re going!
Got heaps of books (one even looks interesting), supermarket (got the RIGHT disposable razors, I hope), chemist for makeup sponges. Home again.
Back out to vets: 2 dogs, 1 x cat vaccinated, back in 3 weeks for a top-up. There’s been problems with this product. Sigh. $400 – but at least it wasn’t OUR money.
And suddenly it's 1700.
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Becca's Short Story: Trust
[2011: Highly Commended]
Trust
John slept.
He slept a long, deep sleep from which no-one could waken him.
And in this sleep, he dreamed.
He stood on black stone, a high cliff in a mountain range of the dark rock. In front of him yawned a chasm, over which stretched a dark wooden bridge, just wide enough for one of his feet, without rails or ropes, that disappeared into thick, clinging fog. The cliff he was standing on was a platform, millions of miles off the ground. There was no sound, no wind, no animal calls, only the click, click, click, of John’s claws as he moved around the platform.
CLAWS?!
John examined himself frantically. He was wearing loose white trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. He was covered in smooth, dark green scales and each finger and toe was tipped with a sharp, black claw. When he touched his head, he found he had short horns protruding from his ordinary short, black hair and a long, arrow-tipped tail. Even his ears were different, looking like those of a dragon. What had he become? Not human, he knew that for sure. Fear flooded through him. Where was he? What was going on?
Greetings. I am Sigoshia.
I am Makidos.
You are Dreaming. To awaken you must cross the Chasm of Souls.
I will take you across the bridge.
Makidos, I shall take him.
“What on earth are you things?”
Fear not, John. We will not hurt you.
The two spirits circled John. Sigoshia was a glowing white-scaled beast with a long crocodile-like snout full of sharp teeth, four taloned fingers on each hand and a body that ended in a long serpentine tail with spines running down her back. She had pitch-dark, long, silky hair that ran down her back, and glowing white horns protruding from her hair. The short horns curved backwards into points. Her coal-black eyes with white slit-pupils promised safety and peace. Makidos was a copy of her, but in reversed colours. His black scales seemed to radiate darkness and his hair was short and glowing white, the horns black. His forbidding eyes glowed white with black slit-pupils. Still, there was something about him that seemed... protective? Something made John think that Makidos was more trustworthy than the white spirit.
Walk to the bridge, John. I shall guide you across.
John headed to the bridge, his claws clicking on the dark stone. He knew he had to cross it, and Makidos was offering to keep him safe on it, but there was something about the black-scaled spirit seemed not quite right.
No, John. Makidos is not to be trusted. He will make you fall! Let me guide you?
Will you listen to this witch? Who do you trust, John? Me? Or He spat the word, her?
John spun around, his gaze meeting each of their eyes in turn.
“Which of you is truly trustworthy? You both deny the other’s worth, so whom can I trust?”
Me. they said at once as they circled John, who stood on the edge of the precipice. John sighed. “Then the only way to find out,” he said, turning to the bridge, “Is to cross.” Makidos bared his teeth in a grin and floated out over the chasm.
Come, John. Cross with me.
He extended a taloned hand to John as Sigoshia glided to the other side of the bridge. John stepped on to the bridge, placing one clawed foot in front of the other, making slow, careful steps on the wood, arms out to counterbalance himself as the spirits floated to either side of him. He focused on his feet, careful not to misplace them, as this would cause him to fall. Wind whipped his clothes against his body. Distracted by a twinkle in the abyss, his eyes focused on the depths and he realised how high up he really was. This made him dizzy and swung him off balance, making him lean drastically to one side. Makidos seized his chance, swooping in to grab John’s wrist and hefting him off the bridge to dangle over the chasm. John screamed and squirmed in Makidos’s iron grip, but the spirit was too strong.
Now I shall finally be free! All I needed was a dreamer’s soul, and now I have one! You can do nothing to stop me now, Sigoshia!
The female spirit screeched in anger as Makidos hoisted John up to his face and reached for his chest, right where his heart was. Sigoshia swooped down to Makidos and wrapped her tail around his neck. She jerked back and he let out a strangled gasp, letting go of John’s wrist. He plunged into the depths of the Chasm of Souls, and around him he could see the faces of other Dreamers lost to the abyss. Sigoshia plummeted towards him and grabbed his tail, throwing him up and catching him under his arms.
I told you that Makidos was not to be trusted. Too many Dreamers have been lost to the abyss because of his kind.
She carried him back to the bridge and set him down carefully.
“Thank you, Sigoshia. I did not know whom to trust earlier, as you both denied the other. If ever I go through this again, I will know to trust you.”
John continued along the bridge, step by step, until Sigoshia started hissing at something. He looked up to see Makidos with his serpentine coils wrapped around the bridge.
You have not won yet, Sigoshia.
She glared at Makidos and replied.
Why do you not just give up, Makidos? You have not taken a soul from me yet, and you never will.
I will take a soul! This soul! I am not staying in this place any longer!
So you would destroy this soul and hurt many others for yourself?
Makidos growled and unwrapped his coils from the bridge. I will not listen to you!
He dove for John and knocked him off the bridge with his tail. John screamed as Makidos grabbed him again and reached for his heart. Time seemed to slow down, and in panic John scratched at Makidos’s arm, somehow managing to slide one of his claws under the scales to pierce the soft flesh beneath. Makidos screeched and let go, and John fell, down, down, down, into the mists of faces near the bottom. “Sigoshia! Help me!”He cried, and then the spirit was beside him, chasing him down. Reach for me, John. John stretched out his arm and Sigoshia grabbed it. She swished her tail and shot out of the abyss, up, up, up. She reached the bridge and placed John gently down on it. I will protect you from Makidos, John. I will not let you fall.
“Thank you, Sigoshia.”
Keep walking. You must get across the bridge as quickly as possible.
John continued, one foot in front of the other.
Suddenly, he was blind.
He looked up and around him. He had reached the fog. It was so thick that he couldn’t even see his hands out to either side of him, or most of his lower legs. “Sigoshia! I can’t see!” Her glowing eyes and scales were just visible through the fog, but her soft, flowing voice was dulled. It will be hard to see for some time. Until then, place your feet so that the claws of one foot touch the heel of the other. You will not be able to see it, but you will feel it. John followed her advice and kept walking, making slow progress while Sigoshia followed beside him. A deep growl sounded from the fog and Makidos shot past. The strong wind from his passing knocked John off balance. He cried out, dug his claws into the bridge, thrust out his arms, flicked his tail and eventually righted himself with help from Sigoshia, who held on to his hand. As soon as she saw he was all right, Sigoshia told him to continue walking. She then dived into the fog with a hiss. Probably going to fight Makidos, John thought. He resumed his walk across the bridge and continued, uninterrupted, until he was out of the fog. But where was Sigoshia? John turned around and peered into the clinging greyness, but it was so thick that he could not see anything. Could something have happened to the friendly, white spirit? Perhaps Makidos had... No! John shook his head to clear it of unwanted thoughts. “Sigoshia! Sigoshia?” He called, apprehensive. There was no answer. John didn’t want to continue walking until he was sure that Sigoshia was safe. Just then, a pair of glowing eyes was visible through the fog and Sigoshia drifted out to float next to John.
Hello again. That flowing voice seemed strained, as though she was finding it hard to get her words out. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” John said, relieved. “But... is there something wrong with your voice? It sounds... strange.”
Oh, it’s nothing. You should keep walking- Makidos might attack at any moment.
John nodded his agreement and proceeded. He made much quicker progress now that he had left the fog behind. Sigoshia glided beside him and, though his eyes were not focused on her, he realised something about the way she moved was... different. John dismissed it as nothing, and they continued.
John walked. Sigoshia drifted. There was silence.
Walking, walking, walking. John wondered if it was ever going to end.
Then John put his foot down on... air?
He jumped back with a shout of surprise. The bridge had suddenly broken off! There was nothing there! A deep, maniacal laugh sounded from behind John. It was Makidos’ laugh! John spun around to see the so-called “Sigoshia” shedding white scales to reveal black ones underneath. Long, black hair shortened and turned white, and suddenly Makidos floated in Sigoshia’s place.
I can’t believe you fell for it! I thought you would see through my disguise instantly, but it seems I overestimated you. Now, you’re mine!
Makidos lunged for John, teeth bared and claws outstretched. Time slowed down... all seemed hopeless...
Then John saw a flash of white over his attacker’s shoulder...
And he was sent flying as the white spirit barrelled into him. John turned somersaults in the air as the broken bridge and the two spirits faded into the distance.
Then, Sigoshia’s call...
Turn around!
And Makidos’ cry of anger as John spun around, outstretched hands ready to grab the ledge just behind him...
Smack.
John sat up in bed, startled.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
A cardiograph beeped loudly.
John held out his hands. For a moment, they were covered in green scales, each finger tipped with a sharp, black claw... then John blinked, and they were normal, soft, nailed human hands.
John touched his head, and found he had short horns protruding from it... then he touched it again. There were no horns, only hair. He felt his ears- but no, they were not pointed. They were very ordinary, very round, and very, very human. John did not flick his tail in surprise. He had no tail. He was perfectly normal! In his own, human shape! What had happened?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
John gazed around the hospital room. It was mainly unadorned, but there was a table beside the bed. On it was a vase of wilting flowers and a few cards. He picked up a card at random. On the front was a drawing of what may have been a man in a hospital bed. There was a lot of heavily applied glitter. Above the drawing of the man, written in the scrawl of a six-year-old, was “Git wel soone, /unkil/ uncle John!”
The writing inside was nearly indecipherable, but John eventually made out...
“I now yoo ar very sik, but Mummy says yool git beta soone. I now Mummy is telling da truth, becas she always dus. I now yool be beta. Trust me. From Susie.
John looked up from the card, and thought he could see a pair of eyes with glowing white pupils watching him through the window in the top of the door...
Trust
John slept.
He slept a long, deep sleep from which no-one could waken him.
And in this sleep, he dreamed.
He stood on black stone, a high cliff in a mountain range of the dark rock. In front of him yawned a chasm, over which stretched a dark wooden bridge, just wide enough for one of his feet, without rails or ropes, that disappeared into thick, clinging fog. The cliff he was standing on was a platform, millions of miles off the ground. There was no sound, no wind, no animal calls, only the click, click, click, of John’s claws as he moved around the platform.
CLAWS?!
John examined himself frantically. He was wearing loose white trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. He was covered in smooth, dark green scales and each finger and toe was tipped with a sharp, black claw. When he touched his head, he found he had short horns protruding from his ordinary short, black hair and a long, arrow-tipped tail. Even his ears were different, looking like those of a dragon. What had he become? Not human, he knew that for sure. Fear flooded through him. Where was he? What was going on?
Greetings. I am Sigoshia.
I am Makidos.
You are Dreaming. To awaken you must cross the Chasm of Souls.
I will take you across the bridge.
Makidos, I shall take him.
“What on earth are you things?”
Fear not, John. We will not hurt you.
The two spirits circled John. Sigoshia was a glowing white-scaled beast with a long crocodile-like snout full of sharp teeth, four taloned fingers on each hand and a body that ended in a long serpentine tail with spines running down her back. She had pitch-dark, long, silky hair that ran down her back, and glowing white horns protruding from her hair. The short horns curved backwards into points. Her coal-black eyes with white slit-pupils promised safety and peace. Makidos was a copy of her, but in reversed colours. His black scales seemed to radiate darkness and his hair was short and glowing white, the horns black. His forbidding eyes glowed white with black slit-pupils. Still, there was something about him that seemed... protective? Something made John think that Makidos was more trustworthy than the white spirit.
Walk to the bridge, John. I shall guide you across.
John headed to the bridge, his claws clicking on the dark stone. He knew he had to cross it, and Makidos was offering to keep him safe on it, but there was something about the black-scaled spirit seemed not quite right.
No, John. Makidos is not to be trusted. He will make you fall! Let me guide you?
Will you listen to this witch? Who do you trust, John? Me? Or He spat the word, her?
John spun around, his gaze meeting each of their eyes in turn.
“Which of you is truly trustworthy? You both deny the other’s worth, so whom can I trust?”
Me. they said at once as they circled John, who stood on the edge of the precipice. John sighed. “Then the only way to find out,” he said, turning to the bridge, “Is to cross.” Makidos bared his teeth in a grin and floated out over the chasm.
Come, John. Cross with me.
He extended a taloned hand to John as Sigoshia glided to the other side of the bridge. John stepped on to the bridge, placing one clawed foot in front of the other, making slow, careful steps on the wood, arms out to counterbalance himself as the spirits floated to either side of him. He focused on his feet, careful not to misplace them, as this would cause him to fall. Wind whipped his clothes against his body. Distracted by a twinkle in the abyss, his eyes focused on the depths and he realised how high up he really was. This made him dizzy and swung him off balance, making him lean drastically to one side. Makidos seized his chance, swooping in to grab John’s wrist and hefting him off the bridge to dangle over the chasm. John screamed and squirmed in Makidos’s iron grip, but the spirit was too strong.
Now I shall finally be free! All I needed was a dreamer’s soul, and now I have one! You can do nothing to stop me now, Sigoshia!
The female spirit screeched in anger as Makidos hoisted John up to his face and reached for his chest, right where his heart was. Sigoshia swooped down to Makidos and wrapped her tail around his neck. She jerked back and he let out a strangled gasp, letting go of John’s wrist. He plunged into the depths of the Chasm of Souls, and around him he could see the faces of other Dreamers lost to the abyss. Sigoshia plummeted towards him and grabbed his tail, throwing him up and catching him under his arms.
I told you that Makidos was not to be trusted. Too many Dreamers have been lost to the abyss because of his kind.
She carried him back to the bridge and set him down carefully.
“Thank you, Sigoshia. I did not know whom to trust earlier, as you both denied the other. If ever I go through this again, I will know to trust you.”
John continued along the bridge, step by step, until Sigoshia started hissing at something. He looked up to see Makidos with his serpentine coils wrapped around the bridge.
You have not won yet, Sigoshia.
She glared at Makidos and replied.
Why do you not just give up, Makidos? You have not taken a soul from me yet, and you never will.
I will take a soul! This soul! I am not staying in this place any longer!
So you would destroy this soul and hurt many others for yourself?
Makidos growled and unwrapped his coils from the bridge. I will not listen to you!
He dove for John and knocked him off the bridge with his tail. John screamed as Makidos grabbed him again and reached for his heart. Time seemed to slow down, and in panic John scratched at Makidos’s arm, somehow managing to slide one of his claws under the scales to pierce the soft flesh beneath. Makidos screeched and let go, and John fell, down, down, down, into the mists of faces near the bottom. “Sigoshia! Help me!”He cried, and then the spirit was beside him, chasing him down. Reach for me, John. John stretched out his arm and Sigoshia grabbed it. She swished her tail and shot out of the abyss, up, up, up. She reached the bridge and placed John gently down on it. I will protect you from Makidos, John. I will not let you fall.
“Thank you, Sigoshia.”
Keep walking. You must get across the bridge as quickly as possible.
John continued, one foot in front of the other.
Suddenly, he was blind.
He looked up and around him. He had reached the fog. It was so thick that he couldn’t even see his hands out to either side of him, or most of his lower legs. “Sigoshia! I can’t see!” Her glowing eyes and scales were just visible through the fog, but her soft, flowing voice was dulled. It will be hard to see for some time. Until then, place your feet so that the claws of one foot touch the heel of the other. You will not be able to see it, but you will feel it. John followed her advice and kept walking, making slow progress while Sigoshia followed beside him. A deep growl sounded from the fog and Makidos shot past. The strong wind from his passing knocked John off balance. He cried out, dug his claws into the bridge, thrust out his arms, flicked his tail and eventually righted himself with help from Sigoshia, who held on to his hand. As soon as she saw he was all right, Sigoshia told him to continue walking. She then dived into the fog with a hiss. Probably going to fight Makidos, John thought. He resumed his walk across the bridge and continued, uninterrupted, until he was out of the fog. But where was Sigoshia? John turned around and peered into the clinging greyness, but it was so thick that he could not see anything. Could something have happened to the friendly, white spirit? Perhaps Makidos had... No! John shook his head to clear it of unwanted thoughts. “Sigoshia! Sigoshia?” He called, apprehensive. There was no answer. John didn’t want to continue walking until he was sure that Sigoshia was safe. Just then, a pair of glowing eyes was visible through the fog and Sigoshia drifted out to float next to John.
Hello again. That flowing voice seemed strained, as though she was finding it hard to get her words out. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” John said, relieved. “But... is there something wrong with your voice? It sounds... strange.”
Oh, it’s nothing. You should keep walking- Makidos might attack at any moment.
John nodded his agreement and proceeded. He made much quicker progress now that he had left the fog behind. Sigoshia glided beside him and, though his eyes were not focused on her, he realised something about the way she moved was... different. John dismissed it as nothing, and they continued.
John walked. Sigoshia drifted. There was silence.
Walking, walking, walking. John wondered if it was ever going to end.
Then John put his foot down on... air?
He jumped back with a shout of surprise. The bridge had suddenly broken off! There was nothing there! A deep, maniacal laugh sounded from behind John. It was Makidos’ laugh! John spun around to see the so-called “Sigoshia” shedding white scales to reveal black ones underneath. Long, black hair shortened and turned white, and suddenly Makidos floated in Sigoshia’s place.
I can’t believe you fell for it! I thought you would see through my disguise instantly, but it seems I overestimated you. Now, you’re mine!
Makidos lunged for John, teeth bared and claws outstretched. Time slowed down... all seemed hopeless...
Then John saw a flash of white over his attacker’s shoulder...
And he was sent flying as the white spirit barrelled into him. John turned somersaults in the air as the broken bridge and the two spirits faded into the distance.
Then, Sigoshia’s call...
Turn around!
And Makidos’ cry of anger as John spun around, outstretched hands ready to grab the ledge just behind him...
Smack.
John sat up in bed, startled.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
A cardiograph beeped loudly.
John held out his hands. For a moment, they were covered in green scales, each finger tipped with a sharp, black claw... then John blinked, and they were normal, soft, nailed human hands.
John touched his head, and found he had short horns protruding from it... then he touched it again. There were no horns, only hair. He felt his ears- but no, they were not pointed. They were very ordinary, very round, and very, very human. John did not flick his tail in surprise. He had no tail. He was perfectly normal! In his own, human shape! What had happened?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
John gazed around the hospital room. It was mainly unadorned, but there was a table beside the bed. On it was a vase of wilting flowers and a few cards. He picked up a card at random. On the front was a drawing of what may have been a man in a hospital bed. There was a lot of heavily applied glitter. Above the drawing of the man, written in the scrawl of a six-year-old, was “Git wel soone, /unkil/ uncle John!”
The writing inside was nearly indecipherable, but John eventually made out...
“I now yoo ar very sik, but Mummy says yool git beta soone. I now Mummy is telling da truth, becas she always dus. I now yool be beta. Trust me. From Susie.
John looked up from the card, and thought he could see a pair of eyes with glowing white pupils watching him through the window in the top of the door...
Becca's Short Story: Rain
[Winner of Intermediate Section, Western Districts Short Story Competition, 2010 - open to all New Zealand Writers]
Rain plays with my mind.
It makes me see things that aren’t there, and twists around things that are there. It whispers to me, making me hear things that aren’t making any noise, and drowning out any noise already there. Where I live, which of course you know, there’s the rainy season and the less-rainy season. There’s no such thing as light drizzles, only torrential downpours. Naturally, I don’t have a raincoat or an umbrella.
I’m sure this doesn’t happen to other people. No-one ever walks home with me from school any more. They probably think I’m crazy. I don’t care. The teacher makes them be nice to me at school, but after school all pretence of kindness is gone and they avoid me. I’m completely alone walking home; I take a path that no-one else takes. But I’m better off alone. Friends and companions have a tendency to leave you behind. I’m done with friends. I’m fine without anybody. Just me... And the rain...
~~~~~~~
I was walking home. It was raining hard-out, as usual. As soon as I was out of sight of anyone, the visions started. The concrete path and buildings to either side of me faded away, to be replaced by grassland stretching as far as the eye could see in any direction. The grass was up to my knees. There was a rustling in the grass and I could see long stalks parting. Oh great, what is it this time? I continued walking as the rustling thing got closer and closer. After a while I turned around, curious, and a dark shape, sort of like a dog, leapt out at me from the grass with a rruff. I let out an involuntary scream as it pounced on me, driving me to the ground. It stood on me and growled, baring its shiny white teeth. I screamed again and grabbed the dog’s leg, hurling it off me. It was light as a feather and its fur was smooth and silky. I heard a snap as my fingers closed around its leg, and another as it hit the ground. It lay there moaning as I got up, panting. I heard more rustling in the grass and a number of barks. There were more of the dogs! I bolted, dashing through the long grass as the dogs chased me. This was a first, as none of the things I had imagined in the rain had actually touched me before, and none of them had ever chased me. I heard the dogs panting, getting closer, and I sped up, thanking my P.E. teacher for making me run all those laps around the field. It did me good after all. Finally, the grassland started to fade and the concrete alleyway came back, the howls and barks of the dogs trailing off to nothing. I was safe - for now, at least.
~~~~~~~
“Well? Can you answer that question?”
I jerked out of my daydream and yelled, “Paris!” The teacher seemed puzzled.
“Uh, correct,” she said uncertainly as the bell rang for the end of school. She brightened up and said, “Have a safe, fun weekend, class! I’ll see you on Monday!” She rubbed various diagrams and instructions off the whiteboard as the students cleared things off their desks and stacked their chairs, the buzz of conversation filling the previously silent classroom. It was the next day, Friday. As I headed out of the classroom, I realised it was no ordinary weekend. It was the weekend of the fair! I loved the fair; the hustle and bustle of the crowds, the games, the strange and wonderful acts, the attractions like the typical Hall of Mirrors, and the rides. The fair was on all weekend, and I was going to go on both days. I couldn’t help wondering if it would rain or not, and if it did, what would happen? I pushed that thought from my mind and focused on being excited. It wouldn’t rain. No way.
Just then, it started to rain.
I had to put up with being soaked for a couple of minutes until I was back in the alley, out of sight, before the visions started.
The rain fell harder and harder until I couldn’t see anything, and when it calmed down I was in a small room, open to the sky, but when I tried to walk towards the walls they seemed to get further and further away. I heard a hissing noise behind me and spun around. There was another one of the solid shadows, this one like a giant python with glistening white fangs and tiny red glowing dots for eyes. It hissed and reared up, towering high above me. I screamed, spun around, and bolted. Though I was running at full speed, the snake effortlessly caught up and slithered around me, forcing me to stop before I ran into its jet-black coils. It raised its head until its scarlet, twinkling eyes were level with mine and hissed, BEWARE!
The snake and the room faded back into deserted concrete buildings and grey rain, and I collapsed, panting. When I had caught my breath I stood up, trying not to think of those red eyes which bore into your soul and your mind and consumed you from the inside out, revealing every lie you had ever told, every petty crime you had committed, and making you feel so guilty you could cry. I shivered and kept walking, trying to think of the fair and how much fun it would be.
It wasn’t working.
~~~~~~~
I woke up early the next morning and left for the fair around eight. Instead of the usual downpour, there was just thick grey stratus stretching across the sky. Not many people I knew had seen a sunny day before. But still, rainclouds without rain is better than rainclouds with rain, and I was willing to put up with it. When I arrived at the area on the outskirts of town where the fair was, there was already a crowd and everything was there. Once in through the gates I fell into the crowd, knowing my pockets were full of money and I had the entire day to enjoy the fair. As I walked through the streets between stalls and attractions, a single, colourful sign caught my eye. It read:
Madam Ovarei
Fortune Teller
Fortunes for low prices!
I really hate Fortune Tellers. The whole talking-with-the-spirits thing creeps me out. But something made me pull open the curtain of the purple-and-brown tent and step inside into the incense-laden air.
“Hello, little girl. Would you like Madam Ovarei to tell your fortune?”
I jumped at the voice in the shadows, but I realised it was coming from the little old woman sitting at the table in front of me.
“Uh... no... yes... sort of?” I said cautiously.
The woman smiled and gestured for me to sit down. I did so, but I was still unsure of why I wanted my fortune told. I found that the chair made my eyes level with hers. She examined me closely for a few minutes before asking, “What colour are your eyes, child?”
“Blue,” I answered, “Light blue.”
“No. They are grey.”
“Grey?”
She held up a small hand mirror, and I gasped. My eyes were grey.
“How...?” I began, but she interrupted, “The rain, child. You have seen the rain. Not the rain itself, but what hides inside it. And you are afraid of the rain. You should not be. Tell Madam Ovarei what you have seen.” She leaned forward to listen.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to walk away. But something about this nice old lady, who knew what my problem was and wanted to help me, made me forget my doubts and trust her.
So I spent two whole hours telling her about everything I had seen, how I walked alone, how nothing turned out right. When I had finished she said, “Don’t be afraid of the rain creatures. They represent your feelings, so when you are angry and frustrated, they are too. Make friends with them and your life will be easier. And one more thing: never, ever-”
And then it started to rain.
Madam Ovarei yelled something and grabbed for me, but faded away into the impenetrable, grey wall of driving rain. I was forced to my knees, gulping for air. It was raining so hard I breathed water. As my vision blurred I thought I could make out tiny red dots in the wall of rain. I felt like I weighed a ton and my lungs were being crushed under my own weight.
Anger. Frustration. Loneliness.
Not my own weight - the weight of my feelings. I had gone too long with nobody. Too long with my feelings bottled up inside me.
Friends.
I needed a friend. Someone to talk to. I suddenly realised the rain had calmed. I could breathe again. As soon as my chest had stopped hurting, I stood up. Somehow, I was in that old concrete alleyway again, the one I walk home through. I leaned against one of the old buildings and thought.
~~~~~~~
It was Monday again. When I had gone back to the fair on Sunday, Madam Ovarei hadn’t been there. The teacher was saying something, so I listened. “Everyone, this is Annabel. She used to live all the way on the other side of the world, and she just moved here. She’s going to be going to school here now,” She gave me a meaningful glance, “So you all need to make her feel welcome. Everyone say, ‘Hi, Annabel’.”
“Hi, Annabel,” The class droned.
Drrrrring, Drrrrring,
“Have a good Morning Tea, class.”
Everyone packed up their stuff and took out their snacks, chatting to each other. I headed over to Annabel. She looked shy and worried, like someone who needed a friend.
“Hi, Annabel,” I said, sticking out my hand, “Nice to meet ya. You look like someone who could use a good friend,” I added as she shook it timidly.
“Yeah,” She replied in the soft voice of one who doesn’t usually talk, “I think I do need a friend.”
I grinned at her. That grin meant everything.
“Sure,” she said with a smile. We walked out of class together. I looked at her when we were outside and noticed something.
“Hey, Annabel, you got an umbrella or a raincoat?”
“No.”
“What colour are your eyes?”
“Light blue. Isn’t it obvious?”
“Mine were too.”
“Were...?”
“I’m Storm, Annabel, and welcome to the Rain Country.”
Just then, it started to rain.
“Storm, why are we in a meadow now?”
The grass rustled and long stalks parted. “Don’t worry, they’re friendly,” I said as she grabbed my arm. I still took a step back.
“What are they?” asked Annabel.
“Depends, actually. AAAH!” I screamed as a dog-thing jumped out of the grass and landed on me. This time, it licked my face with a rose-pink tongue. “Hey! Stop that!” I yelled. Annabel giggled. “Oh, so you think it’s funny?” I pushed the dog off me and it ran straight for Annabel, jumping on her and licking her. “Ew! Get off me! Yuck!” I giggled and pulled it off her. She got up and spat.
“Uck! What is that thing?” I grinned at her.
“I think it’s a dog, but I’m not too sure exactly what it is.” As I said this, it squirmed in my arms and licked my face again. Annabel stared at it. It stared back and smiled, flashing its white teeth. “You have a lot of explaining to do.” Annabel said.
“Where should I start?”
“First, what the heck happened to the school?”
Rain plays with my mind.
It makes me see things that aren’t there, and twists around things that are there. It whispers to me, making me hear things that aren’t making any noise, and drowning out any noise already there. Where I live, which of course you know, there’s the rainy season and the less-rainy season. There’s no such thing as light drizzles, only torrential downpours. Naturally, I don’t have a raincoat or an umbrella.
I’m sure this doesn’t happen to other people. No-one ever walks home with me from school any more. They probably think I’m crazy. I don’t care. The teacher makes them be nice to me at school, but after school all pretence of kindness is gone and they avoid me. I’m completely alone walking home; I take a path that no-one else takes. But I’m better off alone. Friends and companions have a tendency to leave you behind. I’m done with friends. I’m fine without anybody. Just me... And the rain...
~~~~~~~
I was walking home. It was raining hard-out, as usual. As soon as I was out of sight of anyone, the visions started. The concrete path and buildings to either side of me faded away, to be replaced by grassland stretching as far as the eye could see in any direction. The grass was up to my knees. There was a rustling in the grass and I could see long stalks parting. Oh great, what is it this time? I continued walking as the rustling thing got closer and closer. After a while I turned around, curious, and a dark shape, sort of like a dog, leapt out at me from the grass with a rruff. I let out an involuntary scream as it pounced on me, driving me to the ground. It stood on me and growled, baring its shiny white teeth. I screamed again and grabbed the dog’s leg, hurling it off me. It was light as a feather and its fur was smooth and silky. I heard a snap as my fingers closed around its leg, and another as it hit the ground. It lay there moaning as I got up, panting. I heard more rustling in the grass and a number of barks. There were more of the dogs! I bolted, dashing through the long grass as the dogs chased me. This was a first, as none of the things I had imagined in the rain had actually touched me before, and none of them had ever chased me. I heard the dogs panting, getting closer, and I sped up, thanking my P.E. teacher for making me run all those laps around the field. It did me good after all. Finally, the grassland started to fade and the concrete alleyway came back, the howls and barks of the dogs trailing off to nothing. I was safe - for now, at least.
~~~~~~~
“Well? Can you answer that question?”
I jerked out of my daydream and yelled, “Paris!” The teacher seemed puzzled.
“Uh, correct,” she said uncertainly as the bell rang for the end of school. She brightened up and said, “Have a safe, fun weekend, class! I’ll see you on Monday!” She rubbed various diagrams and instructions off the whiteboard as the students cleared things off their desks and stacked their chairs, the buzz of conversation filling the previously silent classroom. It was the next day, Friday. As I headed out of the classroom, I realised it was no ordinary weekend. It was the weekend of the fair! I loved the fair; the hustle and bustle of the crowds, the games, the strange and wonderful acts, the attractions like the typical Hall of Mirrors, and the rides. The fair was on all weekend, and I was going to go on both days. I couldn’t help wondering if it would rain or not, and if it did, what would happen? I pushed that thought from my mind and focused on being excited. It wouldn’t rain. No way.
Just then, it started to rain.
I had to put up with being soaked for a couple of minutes until I was back in the alley, out of sight, before the visions started.
The rain fell harder and harder until I couldn’t see anything, and when it calmed down I was in a small room, open to the sky, but when I tried to walk towards the walls they seemed to get further and further away. I heard a hissing noise behind me and spun around. There was another one of the solid shadows, this one like a giant python with glistening white fangs and tiny red glowing dots for eyes. It hissed and reared up, towering high above me. I screamed, spun around, and bolted. Though I was running at full speed, the snake effortlessly caught up and slithered around me, forcing me to stop before I ran into its jet-black coils. It raised its head until its scarlet, twinkling eyes were level with mine and hissed, BEWARE!
The snake and the room faded back into deserted concrete buildings and grey rain, and I collapsed, panting. When I had caught my breath I stood up, trying not to think of those red eyes which bore into your soul and your mind and consumed you from the inside out, revealing every lie you had ever told, every petty crime you had committed, and making you feel so guilty you could cry. I shivered and kept walking, trying to think of the fair and how much fun it would be.
It wasn’t working.
~~~~~~~
I woke up early the next morning and left for the fair around eight. Instead of the usual downpour, there was just thick grey stratus stretching across the sky. Not many people I knew had seen a sunny day before. But still, rainclouds without rain is better than rainclouds with rain, and I was willing to put up with it. When I arrived at the area on the outskirts of town where the fair was, there was already a crowd and everything was there. Once in through the gates I fell into the crowd, knowing my pockets were full of money and I had the entire day to enjoy the fair. As I walked through the streets between stalls and attractions, a single, colourful sign caught my eye. It read:
Madam Ovarei
Fortune Teller
Fortunes for low prices!
I really hate Fortune Tellers. The whole talking-with-the-spirits thing creeps me out. But something made me pull open the curtain of the purple-and-brown tent and step inside into the incense-laden air.
“Hello, little girl. Would you like Madam Ovarei to tell your fortune?”
I jumped at the voice in the shadows, but I realised it was coming from the little old woman sitting at the table in front of me.
“Uh... no... yes... sort of?” I said cautiously.
The woman smiled and gestured for me to sit down. I did so, but I was still unsure of why I wanted my fortune told. I found that the chair made my eyes level with hers. She examined me closely for a few minutes before asking, “What colour are your eyes, child?”
“Blue,” I answered, “Light blue.”
“No. They are grey.”
“Grey?”
She held up a small hand mirror, and I gasped. My eyes were grey.
“How...?” I began, but she interrupted, “The rain, child. You have seen the rain. Not the rain itself, but what hides inside it. And you are afraid of the rain. You should not be. Tell Madam Ovarei what you have seen.” She leaned forward to listen.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to walk away. But something about this nice old lady, who knew what my problem was and wanted to help me, made me forget my doubts and trust her.
So I spent two whole hours telling her about everything I had seen, how I walked alone, how nothing turned out right. When I had finished she said, “Don’t be afraid of the rain creatures. They represent your feelings, so when you are angry and frustrated, they are too. Make friends with them and your life will be easier. And one more thing: never, ever-”
And then it started to rain.
Madam Ovarei yelled something and grabbed for me, but faded away into the impenetrable, grey wall of driving rain. I was forced to my knees, gulping for air. It was raining so hard I breathed water. As my vision blurred I thought I could make out tiny red dots in the wall of rain. I felt like I weighed a ton and my lungs were being crushed under my own weight.
Anger. Frustration. Loneliness.
Not my own weight - the weight of my feelings. I had gone too long with nobody. Too long with my feelings bottled up inside me.
Friends.
I needed a friend. Someone to talk to. I suddenly realised the rain had calmed. I could breathe again. As soon as my chest had stopped hurting, I stood up. Somehow, I was in that old concrete alleyway again, the one I walk home through. I leaned against one of the old buildings and thought.
~~~~~~~
It was Monday again. When I had gone back to the fair on Sunday, Madam Ovarei hadn’t been there. The teacher was saying something, so I listened. “Everyone, this is Annabel. She used to live all the way on the other side of the world, and she just moved here. She’s going to be going to school here now,” She gave me a meaningful glance, “So you all need to make her feel welcome. Everyone say, ‘Hi, Annabel’.”
“Hi, Annabel,” The class droned.
Drrrrring, Drrrrring,
“Have a good Morning Tea, class.”
Everyone packed up their stuff and took out their snacks, chatting to each other. I headed over to Annabel. She looked shy and worried, like someone who needed a friend.
“Hi, Annabel,” I said, sticking out my hand, “Nice to meet ya. You look like someone who could use a good friend,” I added as she shook it timidly.
“Yeah,” She replied in the soft voice of one who doesn’t usually talk, “I think I do need a friend.”
I grinned at her. That grin meant everything.
“Sure,” she said with a smile. We walked out of class together. I looked at her when we were outside and noticed something.
“Hey, Annabel, you got an umbrella or a raincoat?”
“No.”
“What colour are your eyes?”
“Light blue. Isn’t it obvious?”
“Mine were too.”
“Were...?”
“I’m Storm, Annabel, and welcome to the Rain Country.”
Just then, it started to rain.
“Storm, why are we in a meadow now?”
The grass rustled and long stalks parted. “Don’t worry, they’re friendly,” I said as she grabbed my arm. I still took a step back.
“What are they?” asked Annabel.
“Depends, actually. AAAH!” I screamed as a dog-thing jumped out of the grass and landed on me. This time, it licked my face with a rose-pink tongue. “Hey! Stop that!” I yelled. Annabel giggled. “Oh, so you think it’s funny?” I pushed the dog off me and it ran straight for Annabel, jumping on her and licking her. “Ew! Get off me! Yuck!” I giggled and pulled it off her. She got up and spat.
“Uck! What is that thing?” I grinned at her.
“I think it’s a dog, but I’m not too sure exactly what it is.” As I said this, it squirmed in my arms and licked my face again. Annabel stared at it. It stared back and smiled, flashing its white teeth. “You have a lot of explaining to do.” Annabel said.
“Where should I start?”
“First, what the heck happened to the school?”
Monday, 12 December 2011
Where have the days gone?
The days have flown past. On November 23rd I was diagnosed with Pernicious Anaemia - Vitamin B12 deficiency. Symptoms include fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, and other interesting things. This explained so much. Falling asleep in the car park for an hour, always being totally exhausted, hurting all over all the time, eating pain killers like lollies.
Three B12 shots, a week apart, have worked a miracle. I've also been seeing a fantastic Neuromuscular Therapist, Doreen Seager, recommended by my friend Drew in Texas (LOL - 4 degrees of separation!) She's managing to reduce the pain when no-one else has. I'm less sore, less tired, I have more energy, more enthusiasm. It's fantastic.
Yahweh is amazing in his timing. College is over, essay is done. Alex is here, working part time at Crystal Mountain. On 29 November I had my final B12 shot (till March); 30 November my Diabetic Eye check - perfect; 1 December I had my first session with Doreen. That night I got a call to say dad had fallen and broken his right patella. I spent the night at his place, and brought him home on the Friday. There was no way he was going to be able to look after himself.
This past week and a half has been very challenging for the whole family. But God is good. I couldn't have coped with any of this 3 weeks ago. While I'm still very tired (sleep deprivation not helping), the timing is actually really good. It's only a couple of weeks to Christmas, when David and I will be on holiday. Alex can look after Bill most days, and I can take leave on the 2 days he can't. It's hard to cope with Dad giving orders, and repeating them over and over; with him swearing at me in his frustration; with him acting like a 12 year old, not the 82 year old he actually is.
Tyler is part of the package. I spent $600 of dad's money at the vet - full blood screen, urine test, Joint Diet food, 4 Pentosan injections, painkillers and consultation. A couple of days later another $100 to get him clipped. He's a much happier dog now.
I did manage to get one piece done for a christmas card exchange:
I have no energy for art - my creativity is being squashed by the constant pressure of dealing with dad - I want to paint, to make art, but can't drum up the energy - and the days just aren't long enough. I want to work on the lessons from the Hot Wax workshop I've just done.
Tomorrow, Becca gets an award at the Academic Prizegiving. I will find out how I did on my OT Intro paper - an A- or an A? I'm having another go at starting to learn Hebrew over the holiday period. I can get the books thru the second-hand book sales at Laidlaw.
In January, the Plaster workshop starts with some of the Hot Wax group - I'm looking forward to that.
By the end of January, Dad should be back in his own home, and my life may return to normal.
College starts back up in March - Intro to the New Testament, then Theology.
Lots of things to look forward to.
Lord, I know your eyes are watching over me, I am not invisible. Let me fulfill your will, not my own.
Three B12 shots, a week apart, have worked a miracle. I've also been seeing a fantastic Neuromuscular Therapist, Doreen Seager, recommended by my friend Drew in Texas (LOL - 4 degrees of separation!) She's managing to reduce the pain when no-one else has. I'm less sore, less tired, I have more energy, more enthusiasm. It's fantastic.
Yahweh is amazing in his timing. College is over, essay is done. Alex is here, working part time at Crystal Mountain. On 29 November I had my final B12 shot (till March); 30 November my Diabetic Eye check - perfect; 1 December I had my first session with Doreen. That night I got a call to say dad had fallen and broken his right patella. I spent the night at his place, and brought him home on the Friday. There was no way he was going to be able to look after himself.
This past week and a half has been very challenging for the whole family. But God is good. I couldn't have coped with any of this 3 weeks ago. While I'm still very tired (sleep deprivation not helping), the timing is actually really good. It's only a couple of weeks to Christmas, when David and I will be on holiday. Alex can look after Bill most days, and I can take leave on the 2 days he can't. It's hard to cope with Dad giving orders, and repeating them over and over; with him swearing at me in his frustration; with him acting like a 12 year old, not the 82 year old he actually is.
Tyler is part of the package. I spent $600 of dad's money at the vet - full blood screen, urine test, Joint Diet food, 4 Pentosan injections, painkillers and consultation. A couple of days later another $100 to get him clipped. He's a much happier dog now.
I did manage to get one piece done for a christmas card exchange:
I have no energy for art - my creativity is being squashed by the constant pressure of dealing with dad - I want to paint, to make art, but can't drum up the energy - and the days just aren't long enough. I want to work on the lessons from the Hot Wax workshop I've just done.
Tomorrow, Becca gets an award at the Academic Prizegiving. I will find out how I did on my OT Intro paper - an A- or an A? I'm having another go at starting to learn Hebrew over the holiday period. I can get the books thru the second-hand book sales at Laidlaw.
In January, the Plaster workshop starts with some of the Hot Wax group - I'm looking forward to that.
By the end of January, Dad should be back in his own home, and my life may return to normal.
College starts back up in March - Intro to the New Testament, then Theology.
Lots of things to look forward to.
Lord, I know your eyes are watching over me, I am not invisible. Let me fulfill your will, not my own.
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